Living Dreams

By Mary Caelsto

Hard rock music blasted out of the stereo speakers, vibrating paper-thin walls. A cockroach walked across a water stain on the putrid green wallpaper. Wine cooler bottles and beer cans littered the carpet. Tipping back another bottle, Aerin sang along with the song. Her bangs, dyed a shocking shade of red fell into her eyes, and she brushed them away angrily. She held up the tear-stained picture, cursing the man that had forced so much pain in her life.

"Damn you! Damn you to hell!" She screamed, punctuating her words by throwing the empty beer bottle. The bottle made a satisfying crash as it shattered against the wall. "Who the hell needs you?"

The man's sparkling brown eyes smiled back at her. He looked secure in his position, as if he knew his looks and money held the power to ruin lives. He had seemed so sweet, taking her in after her last boyfriend had run off with her best friend. Aerin could still feel his strong arms wrapped around her, telling her it was all right that night she had come to him in tears. He had promised her that he would keep her safe -- always. Throwing the picture across the room, the tears started.

"Damn you, Trent, safe from everybody but you. You son of a bitch!" Burying her head in her hands, Aerin sobbed. "Safe from everybody but you! I loved you." Draining another bottle, Aerin slumped over in drunken stupor.

Somewhere across the room a rat investigated the fallen picture.

Sunlight slanted across the floor, slowly drawing a path across the room. Aerin rolled over, moaning with pain. Her head throbbed. The pounding reminded her of a drumming circle she visited, only with each beat, nausea spread through her. She swallowed hard and tried not to think about the pain.

After long moments, she opened her eyes. Sunlight filled the room, boring into her head. Blinking her eyes against the sudden light, Aerin flopped onto her stomach. Resting her forehead on the cool floor, she vowed never to drink herself into a stupor again.

Sluggishly, Aerin drew herself up to a crouch and began to crawl across her apartment. Picking her way across the littered floor, she inched into the bathroom. She leaned against the cool, porcelain haven of her toilet for a minute before she vomited. Her body heaved, over and over again, purging itself of the alcohol she’d consumed. She spat foul tasting bile from her dry lips. As soon has her battered body could force nothing more from her empty stomach, Aerin slowly stood. The room spun on its axis. She grabbed the sink for balance, and when the room steadied, she turned on the cold water watching it turn from brown to yellow, then clear.

The cold water only jarred her further awake. Aerin groaned. Awake, the memories returned with a rush. Trent had left her after nine months of bliss. She remembered the glorious sex, then waking up to nothing. No money. No jewelry. Nothing but her car. Trent wanted her out by noon, and with him as her boss, she didn't even have a job. Trent had moved on to greener pastures, leaving her to fend for herself.

Aerin remembered those greener pastures being the body of a blonde that she had seen Trent dancing with on more than one occasion. Obviously he believed in all for one and one for all. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"No!" Aerin wiped at the tears. "I can't cry. I have too many things to do. I need a job, and I need to get out of this hell-hole. I’ve wallowed in self-pity long enough."

Stumbling to the kitchen, Aerin looked for a clean pot. The closest thing she found was a pot lined with white, cracking lime stains. It would have to do.

Aerin placed the water on the stove, and then rummaged in the cupboard for some coffee. Grabbing the box, she tossed it onto the table. Then, finding another box of coffee, she put it on the table as well. She needed all the help she could get.

The thump of a newspaper hitting the front door sounded obscenely loud to Aerin's ears. At least I have the rent paid to the end of the month.

Trying to remember when she had ordered newspaper delivery, she stumbled to the front door and opened it to grab the paper.